It has been a little while since I last posted something. It is Christmas Eve and I couldn't sleep. I lay awake in bed thinking how my little girl wasn't going to be be home for christmas....wasn't ever going to be home again. I was never going to hear her little steps again running through the house....would never again see her smiling at me with her sparkling eyes full of mischief. Not in this world again at least.
We went to a candle lighting ceremony for a group that we attend called the Society of Compassionate Friends. This wonderful group meets monthly and is a gathering of people from all walks of life that share something in common....the loss of a close loved one. A brother, a father, a wife and of course a child. This group comes together and allows us to discuss how we feel rather it be anger, hate, rage, love, grief and even faith with others that understand....truly understand what we are feeling because they have experienced it also. Many people try to understand what we are going through or tell us that time will heal. I appreciate the sentiments and truly love all of them for trying to help, but they will never truly understand what it is like until you go through it. Being able to share your anger or grief with others that have the same feelings is truly a blessing. Wanting to know am I going crazy for some of the thoughts I have only to find out that they are commonly shared. The intense grief in my heart shared in the heart of another for their own child helps give me peace. The way that some of them that have had more time for their grief and have found various ways to come to terms with it. We all gathered together and as part of a world wide ceremony we lit a candle for Ivy. Other familys and parents lit one for their lost ones and we shared stories of our loved ones. The candle stays lit for 1 hour in our time zone and then groups in the next time zone light theirs allowing the light of our love to travel around the world.
In ways almost all parents who have lost a child try and find a way to honor their lost one. Be it a personal goal or a more public statement. Michele and I decided we would do a christmas stocking for Ivy. It just didn't seem right to hang all of the stockings up and not have one for our Ivy. So we put up hers and gathered gifts from family and friends. They were then all given to a family who was not going to have a christmas. In this way Ivy's love lives on in all those who so generously donated a gift and also in the hearts of the children that will lighten with delight from Ivy's gift.
May your light always shine so bright until I see you again Ivy,
as always
Love Daddy
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